He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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