I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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