Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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