We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
