i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
