Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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