the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
