Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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