I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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