member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Sober January is a disaster.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
