How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
