I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
