the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
