My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
