his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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