It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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