So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Even my vagina gasped.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
