All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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