Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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