i need an iv and a liver transplant
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
