I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
