Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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