Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
