Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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