My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
