i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
