I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
