Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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