its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
