if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
