im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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