But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
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Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize