I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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