are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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