last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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