Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
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