your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i think my cat just said my name.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
