how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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