why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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