hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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