with your own penis?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
