When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm getting married
To pizza
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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