Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
