tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
