Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
