i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
