I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize