I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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