I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
