YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
