Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
