just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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