watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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