Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
