I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
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i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
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There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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