I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low