Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?