On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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