Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.