My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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