remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.