she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
