Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
