I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
