Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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