phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
