You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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