am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
