Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
