you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This baby is an asshole
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
