I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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