she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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