we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
