When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
