I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
tell me about the fingering
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