I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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