if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
